I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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