sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
