Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
