apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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