I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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