just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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