And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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