I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
