don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
