Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
