Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
