Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
