saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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