its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
