I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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