Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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