First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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