the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
