took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
