You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
