I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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