Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
