you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
