Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
