Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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