Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
