hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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