The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
