Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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