the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
