Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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