I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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