I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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