Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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