What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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