operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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