from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
