At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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