party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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