found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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