Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
