Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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