he wants to bone in the snuggie
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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