im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
