we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
