I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You did what with his pubic hair?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
