First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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