wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
