my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
