So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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