I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
