shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
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I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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