I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
