They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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