I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
