my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We have started to decorate penises.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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