your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
