I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
