Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
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you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
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Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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