She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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