what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
