Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
