her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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