I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
