Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
this is an emotional support booty call
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize